Twitter Is Too Much Pressure

OK, Internet. I get it. It's not enough for me to talk to you in one way or another every single day, but now I have to be clever? It's enough to send that creeping chill of terror through the old bowels, Internet. I'm having identity issues, over here.

I've bought a house, so I could fall into the home-improvement blog sphere. I'm also trying to freelance write, so I could fall into the desperate-writer blog sphere as well. I am also a student, so I could fall into the I'm-old-but-all-about-school-let-me-tell-you-about-it blog sphere.

What I'm not? A comedy writer. I'm hardly ever funny, and when people do the most laughing at me is usually when I'm deadly serious. I'm also not a blogger-for-profit, ever since the unfortunate AdSense debacle (which I've ALMOST given up on), so I'm really doing this for my own sanity and amusement.

So I will just keep on doing what I'm doing, being completely unfocused and un-nichey. Don't judge me, Internet, or I won't play WordTwist with you or let you win at Chess anymore.

Nobody Wants Me - A Cautionary Tale of Part-Time Employment Seeking in a Crap Economy

Alack. As the homebuying process turns out to be more and more expensive, I realize that it would probably be best if I could pull down some extra income prior to starting grad school. Grad school, after all, is not free, and even though I will be applying for Financial Aid (a fun, exciting, and easy-as-pie process, Folks) we will still have to pay that money back someday.

Added to the fact that we are now in a 30-year mortgage that we will ALSO have to pay back, provided we want to keep a roof over our heads.

So I've been scouring the interwebs. Searching for that perfect part-time thing that will also provide benefits. That perfect part-time thing with the flexible hours and the work-from-home option that pays around $30 per hour. Easy, right? Not so much.

I thought I would just establish myself as a freelance writer and collect all this crazy income, buy my own independent insurance, and be Free From Corporate Servitude. Sure, I'd still work my corporate job - because I like it, but I wouldn't feel beholden to The Man, nor would I feel like the world was going to end when my job did.

Turns out it's a little more difficult to establish oneself as a freelance writer than one might think. Thank God for Shell at TopTenz - he lets me write for him and keep my research skills sharp (plus I get paid), but practically every other thing has turned out to be either a scam or someone who thought they wanted a writer and decided they were wrong.

So then I thought, "Hey." "Why not get a job someplace where I can get a discount?" I'd heard the Blockbuster gave part-time benefits, so I filled out an online application there. I had also heard that Target and Ukrops had part-time benefit options, so I applied online both of those places.

Nothing. Nada. I have heard zero from any of the places. Tomorrow I'm making it my mission to call each HR manager and be charming. Oh, and I'm going to apply to Lowes and The Home Depot, because a discount there would be sweet...

Happy Friday!

So I have adjusted my attitude, put all the week's badness behind me, and have approaced today with a renewed sense of awesomeness that will not be squelched. No matter what. So if we don't get to close today, we will close SOMEDAY, and that's what matters.

I am also stoked because I have a bunch of new writing assignments from my editor His Awesomeness at http://www.toptenz.net/. He's started posting new lists every weekday, and they just keep getting better and better, so check them out. Especially when he posts one of mine.

I had a slew of curious dreams last night, all very involved and B-movie-like. I might write more about them later, or I might just continue to Tweet snippets as I remember them, as I don't have to be as cohesive that way.

Guess I'd better get to work. If we DO get to close, prepare yourself for many pictures of the House in Progress, and coverage of the bird funeral which will happen the day we close.

Proof that you can turn almost anything into a creative writing project

Feeling a little bit better. Yesterday in Writing in the Workplace we had to write a business letter explaining to our customer that they could not return their glass slippers, as it had bee 48 days since purchase and the return policy cuts off at 15 days. Here is my submision:

Glass Slipper Industries
9804 Fairytale Lane
Richmond, VA 23060

September 29, 2008

Dear Ms. Ella:We are so sorry to hear of your displeasure with the T-330 Glass Slippers that you purchased in our Fairygodmom branch. We are dedicated to providing the best products designed for your own happily-ever-after.

Unfortunately, in order to receive a full refund, the T-330 Glass Slippers must be returned within 15 days of original purchase. As you purchased your T-330 Glass Slippers 48 days ago, we are not able to refund your money. The reason for this policy is twofold: after 15 days the initial magic wears off, rendering the T-330 unusable to other potential owners, and, as you know, your T-330 Glass Slippers are custom-fit and enchanted just for you. If you do not get your intended results within the 15-day magic effectiveness window, the Glass Slippers are yours to keep, but are not returnable under the policy’s terms.

We understand that it is frustrating when magical enchantments and charms do not turn out as we have hoped. At Glass Slipper Industries, we use the best magic in the business to charm the universe into consenting to your desired result. We stand by our motto, which is “If It Can Happen We Will Make It Happen For You”. We are truly sorry that your wish could not be our command.

As a commitment to you, our valued customer, we are pleased to offer you the enclosed $50 gift card, which can be used at any of our branches, and also on our website. Please feel free to direct any comments or questions to our Consumer Affairs Department, and for your convenience please see the attached document on how to reuse or recycle unwanted glass slippers.We thank you for your business, and hope that this gift to you renews your faith in Glass Slipper Industries.

Sincerely,

Liz Downing Johnson
Vice President, Enchantments and Charms

Top Tenz.net

Check out this website: www.toptenz.net

Shell (the toptenz shizznit) has accepted some content written by yours truly so watch out for an article about the Top Ten Inspirational Movies.

Am a paid writer. I rock. Shell rocks. TopTenz.net rocks. Subscribe freely.

Tying Up Loose Ends

The link for the website that posted my article is http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-hairstyles.php. Yay me. The dude is awaiting my next submission, which I hope will be ready later tonight.

I finished reading Stephanie Meyer's vampire books, and I have to say that they enhanced the pleasure of my staycation. They were good. As much as it pains me to say that I love teenage vampire books...at least THOSE teenage vampire books.

Today is the day before the day before I go back to work from my staycation, and I am looking forward to attacking my job with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. Plus school starts soon and I'm very much looking forward to this semester.

So things are OK. Dad is still on the job hunt, though there is a possibility that his current consulting gig could go permanent. Keep your fingers crossed for that.

To follow, a new Emma blog. That's right, your favorite redheaded toddler came over for a visit last night. Hilarity ensued. Stay tuned.